I’ve always naturally been someone whom people turn to in times of need.
I recall as a child having friends and peers at school randomly share and divulge their deepest secrets and challenges asking me for advice on what to do.
Whenever this would occur, I would tap into a deep innate knowing and use my intuition to support and love them through whatever was going on for them.
I’ve always sincerely and genuinely known my Soul was put here to support, love and help others.
And it’s been a gift I am grateful for and blessed to embody.
This inner calling has consistently been a HUGE part of my service to the world and one of the fundamental aspects of the work I do and have done for many years professionally.
I know many light leaders (my reference for empaths, lightworkers, personal and spiritual development professionals who are ushering in a new consciousness) most likely can relate to my story and experience here.
➡There is a sincere desire to do good for the planet and for humanity.
➡To assist people on their spiritual journeys and evolution.
➡To help out fellow brother and sister Souls.
➡And to see them get out of their suffering and lead a life and existence they love and are at peace with.
But as beautiful as all of this is, there is a shadow side that I must speak to that I see far too often happening in my profession.
I’ve experienced this myself many times and have heard the stories of others who have been…
✔Repeatedly taken advantage of by others who are looking to be saved or “fixed.”
✔Approached for free advice, who are asked to intuitively “tune in” and help those who have no real intention or desire to invest in themselves or do the inner work to get out of their pain or suffering.
✔Turned to and viewed as personal “sounding boards” for others to vent to and unload their problems onto because of the safe and loving space one holds for others.
Many who deeply desire to assist and support others can and will find themselves caught in a rock and a hard place when this happens.
Heart strings get pulled when someone comes forward in need.
A feeling of guilt can come up alongside thoughts of, “I know I can help here and I should be there for this person in need.”
I know this narrative all too well because I’ve experienced this many, many times for the majority of my life.
For years I gave in to helping others even when it didn’t feel right.
Or I was exhausted and didn’t have the bandwidth.
I’d allow people to consistently come to me repeating the same issues, even after I had given them the guidance, advice or suggestions to get out of their problems.
I lacked boundaries and helped every person I could, no matter the cost.
❌But after years of having poor boundaries with others I started feeling taken advantage of.
❌Unmet in my relationships.
❌And even frustrated and resentful.
It finally dawned on me after years of not prioritizing myself, my needs, my desires and valuing my innate gifts that I was actually doing a disservice to not only others but especially myself.
Because it was no longer about me supporting and being there for others from a loving and authentic place.
I was doing it out of expectation and obligation, thinking that this was the only way to help others when it absolutely wasn’t.
So I did the work to become boundaried in a healthy and loving way.
A way that honored not only myself but those who stepped forward and asked for my help.
And that liberated me from guilt.
As well as expectation.
Just because you have the purpose and mission to serve humanity and to support others doesn’t require or mean you have to do it all the time.
And it doesn’t mean that every person coming to you is READY or wanting to fully receive your gifts, wisdom, advice or space-holding.
Yes, I lost friendships, partners and clients because of this.
You most likely will, too, when you implement healthy boundaries between yourself and others.
Now, every time someone approaches me, looking for my support and assistance, I check in and ask my higher guidance on what the most loving form of support will be for them.
I have to KEEP working on and implementing boundaries.
It isn’t something I’ve learned once and don’t repeat.
◈Sometimes it looks like me saying “I’m not available” because it doesn’t feel aligned, I don’t have the time, energy or desire to show up in the way that they deserve.
◈Sometimes it’s referring someone on to someone else because I’m not a fit for them.
◈Sometimes it’s welcoming them into my space openly and willingly, whether that be as a paying client or being there as a loved one, supporting them with love and sharing my heart and gifts openly because I know we are both AVAILABLE and open to evolve, shift and grow together.
And this boundary setting doesn’t just apply in my business and with clients, it’s also with my friends and loved ones.
The former people-pleaser in me would worry what people would say or think about me.
The truth is that the more busy you become impacting the world, diving into your mission and being successful in your Soul’s desires, the more you MUST follow through and have healthy boundaries for yourself and others.
May this be the year you make peace with boundary setting and recognize just how supportive this is for you and everyone who comes into your world.